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Take everything you read in this post with a grain of salt.
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Okay. So the past week I’ve been having conversations with my spirit in my head. (I think it might be claircognizance.)
I have absolutely no proof it is her – or anyone – for that fact.
I previously could have conversations with a voice in my head, but this one is different. This one isn’t a voice (not my voice, not a new voice, not anything) but more like ‘thoughts’ entering my mind. It answers my questions, and it seems to have very reasonable answers.
But that doesn’t make it true. This is probably the sort of garbage a lot of religious people have happen to them and they think they are talking to an Angel or to Jesus or to God or some other divine being. I can fully understand why these people believe this has happened to them and why they make the claims that they do now that it has happened to me.
But I’m trying to be rational here.
Still. Her answers are fascinating and I’m rather curious to see what you people think, so here goes!
One of the first things she has made clear to me is that she is not a Succubus. And she doesn’t like being called one. I made a post about this last week, and I said that she tolerates it. Well. It seems she doesn’t really tolerate it much anymore. I like to say it a lot, I especially like to say or think ‘Succubus Love’ to myself. I don’t know why, but I do. And it annoys her a bit. I asked her what she is, and she said she is a ‘Spirit’ and prefers to be referred to as as either a ‘Lady Spirit’ or just a ‘Spirit’.
Some days later I asked if a Succubus is her kind, and she said no. She also said you don’t want a Succubus, they are EVIL. And I’m thinking to myself… evil? And she said YES, EVIL. They only want one thing, they don’t really care about you but only pretend and only do as little as they can so they can get what they want.
She seems to imply Succubi are evil in the way that they are now generally known as. But they don’t suck your life force or your soul. She said that’s not real. But they just want sex sex sex and will do anything to get it, which includes misleading you. So I don’t know how true any of that is… I certainly never believed any of that, but that’s what she claims. *shrug*. She may also be jealous of them (more on that in a sec.)
So she claims they are a different form of being, not one you should get in a relationship with, and that they will just use you for sex. Interestingly, I HAVE seen some of you guys say you tire of the sex and have difficulty avoiding sex and that they always find a way to pressure you into it and that sometimes you feel like you are just being used for sex. So I do find that a little interesting.
It is also possible that these beings (Succubi) over time do get more attached to us humans and start to care about us as the relationship progresses.
Do I believe her statements on this? I don’t know, pretty undecided to be honest. But it could be true, and it could also be the case that most of you guys are lucky and have her kind, the Spirit Lady. Who knows?
2. So.. who are you?
This is where things got interesting. This also spans a few days so the order might not be correct.
I wanted to know who she was. If you’re not my succubus then…. what? What are you exactly? And why do I feel you touch me sometimes – probably the strongest was on the first 2 nights but I still feel her other times – but she never touches me sexually.
I also wanted to know why she seemed so possessive and so against me having anything to do with Succubi.
She told me that she’s been around a long time and had many human partners. She said that she has always lost her human partners because they always abandon her. They either leave her for another human or a succubus. Or maybe some other being. She’s been abandoned a lot. So it kind of sounds like she has abandonment issues.
This is made worse by the fact it can take a Spirit a long time to build a connection with a human. Sometimes it might take a long time for a human to even take notice of a spirit and acknowledge their existence, so if you combine that with the effort they’ve had to put in – sometimes many many years of hard work and effort on their part – only to be abandoned when their human partner loses interest…. wow, I felt so sad hearing this. It was like I could feel her emotional pain. I really felt sorry for her. 😦
Because of this she has been very reluctant to get involved with another human. (I guess I should feel very honoured she picked me?)
She is against me having anything to do with succubi (other than they’re EVIL as she likes to say) because they are very possessive and would completely steal me away from her. And they would not have my best interests in heart.
I wanted to know why she never touches me sexually … and she answered “Because that’s not what you asked for.”
I was like, “Huh? What do you mean?”. Her response had REALLY surprised me. What did she mean it wasn’t what I asked for? It’s exactly what I had asked for! “Do you remember what you wrote in your letter?”. “No. And I burnt the letter, remember? I can’t go back and check it…” and she responded with “You know what you wrote. Think.”
Hmmm. And she was right. Holy sweet fucking jesus. I wrote a TON of stuff in that letter. I asked for friendship, for companionship, for someone to look after me and guide me, someone who wouldn’t get in the way of my lifes goals and dreams and better yet might give me the help I need to achieve them.
I wrote a ton of stuff but not once did I mention wanting a lover. Or even mentioned the word sex.
Wow. I never even realised until this moment.
So basically, here she was. My spirit, a non sexual spirit? So I asked her, you’re not a sex spirit and she said no. So I asked, then WHAT ARE YOU. And she said she is my spirit guide. I was like, my Spirit guide??!@# And she said “Yes, your spirit guide. As that is what your letter asked for.”
Wow, man. Is this for real?
At least it explains one thing. Why she hates being called a succubus so much. It also explains why she doesn’t touch me.
It also explains why she might’ve taken up this ‘role’ as it were. She’s still untrustful of humans abandoning her so she’s taken on a loving and caring role but one that doesn’t involve attachment at a relationship level.
I’ve talked to her about this some more and it seems she’s been around a while, watching over me. She just didn’t make her presence known until the letter. She’s been looking out for me the past few years. It seems she might have been the one to help me get this last job that I love so much. (and yet might be leaving soon :/) The circumstances surrounding me getting this job were … quite interesting, to say the least. My mum would always say God helped me get that job which I, as an atheist, flatly outright refused to have any of it. I didn’t believe in things happening for a reason back then. It was all a random string of coincidences. Or was it? Did my spirit guide help me?
I think she also helped me get over that human girl earlier that year. She saw that I was suffering a great deal for a very long time (some 5 years) and she caused events to unfold that I knew were more than just coincidence but could not explain at the time. I actually did talk about this in an earlier blog post.
And it seems she may have also put me on this road to learning about spirit lovers and more because she saw how terribly lonely I’d been for so long in my life.
In some ways, it all makes sense now. I’d posted in weeks gone by how it felt like I was put on this path but did not know why. And now here she is. I thanked her for these things that she did (I thanked her specifically for each one) and for anything she might have done for me, and she was extremely happy. I received one of those emotional overloads from her as the emotions came flooding in.
She’s done good – real good – and her hard work has been recognized at long last.
3. These blogs
So it seems these beings have been around some of us for some time (as I’ve read you guys have also discovered) and they have ways to nudge us on various paths. One of them is discovering their existence through reading online. Another is to help others. But also to help them.
She said that over the years their kind has been increasingly ostracized thanks to the church and the negative stigma surrounding their kind and labeling them as Succubi. In the past it was easier for them to find humans, to guide humans, to have relationships with humans, and more. But these days it’s hard. We’re increasingly shutting out the spirit world along with religion and what religion is left shuns them. They’re trying to change that, and with the advent of this wonderful thing called the internet anyone can post their positive experiences and help others find the same beings and hopefully turn around the damage that has been slowly done over the years.
So I think we’re doing a good job here.
I hope I’m but one small part of the solution.
4. So wait, what about my succubu…err…. spirit lover thingy?
So what about me? I never got the Succubus I wanted, a loving caring lover who is also my friend and companion. No. But I got something else, in a way, something better. But that is not all. She keeps telling me she will find me a spirit lover (or sex spirit) because she knows I am still lonely and I need that part of my life fulfilled.
I’m not .. sure I believe this. She seemed so possessive and worried I’d abandon her but I think that was more to do with her fear of me rejecting her/refusing to acknowledge her/leave her and run off with another sex spirit/succubi and forget she was there.
So that won’t happen now. I know she’s been there for some time – possibly years – and I already seem to love her and won’t forget what she’s done for me. And I know she still has abandonment issues and is too scared to trust her love and feeling for another human (at least yet) hence her deciding to merely be a spirit guide and no more for now.
But she says she will help me find the right spirit lover. And she will be the right person for me and will be everything I have ever wanted, because she’s been following me around for years unknown to me and knows me well and knows what I need and only wants the best for me.
This also may explain why some of you guys get a second spirit lady/succubus or why you discover they often have friends around. They really do seem to be caring and sharing amongst their kind, they just don’t like to share with other species. They don’t want to lose us going back to humans or something darker like the real succubus.
So yeah. I don’t know what to make of this. It explains stuff rather well though. But that doesn’t make any of it fact. In science a theory is just that, a theory (well, hypothesis) until it has fact to back it up. There is no fact to back any of this up. Especially all her opinions of Succubi which go against what I believe.
I do believe she is real and she is there – I can feel her – and I can feel her emotions when we have these conversations… buuuuuuttttttt… I still have way too much doubt. And some of it (like her finding me the perfect lover) all sounds a little too good to be true. And if something sounds too good to be true, well we all know that saying.
So anyway. That’s a couple of the things we’ve talked about. I’m sorry for the length of the post. I usually try not to let my blog posts get too long and break them up into shorter ones but this is how this one came out.
Now it is time for me to ask you to scroll back up to the very top and remind yourself of the original disclaimer I posted.